BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning
kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the
cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear
and comes out of the
other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both
ears and comes out of
the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What
do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and
no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again
yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun
or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need
it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are
no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school,
history was called
current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father
is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father
that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,
past year's performance
repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering
doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show
that nine out of ten
people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth
case I've treated.
The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of
COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married
on the same day and at
the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped
down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is
hand."
SUBJECT: THE GUYS SIDE OF THE STORY
We always hear " the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are all rules! Please note...
These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think it that way.
1. Crying is a blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just ask for it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your boyfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. in fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. if you won't dress like the victoria's secret girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.
1. if you think you're fat, you probably are. don't ask us.
1. if something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. you can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. not both. if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. christopher columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. all men see only 16 colours, like the windows default settings. peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. pumpkin is also a fruit. we have no idea what mauve is.
1. if it itches, it will be scratched. we do that.
1. if we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. we know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. if you ask a question you don't want to answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. when we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.
1. don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as the offside rule.
1. you have enough clothes.
1. you have too many shoes.
1. i am i shape. round is a shape.
1. thank you for reading this. yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, men really don't mind that. it's like camping.